Maternity tour at the Hospital

Last night we did the OB/Maternity ward tour at the hospital.  We are going to be at DeKalb Medical Center which is convenient to both our workplaces and our home.  According to Google Maps It is 7.2 miles from our home, 6.7 miles from the church (Morgan’s office), and 2.8 miles from my office.  It is also the hospital that Morgan’s OB/GYN practice is affiliated with.  And they have a brand new Women’s Center that is REALLY nice!

So, we did the tour last night.  First they pre-register everyone so that when you do show up during labor you are already in the system and all you have to do is scream your name between contractions and they take you right back.  After that they did a presentation about the importance of child car seats.  They had a teddy bear strapped into a car seat for demonstration purposes.  I think I would have learned something if “Sexy Never Left” (or “Miss Thang” as I will refer to her for the rest of this post) hadn’t stumbled in in the middle of this portion of the orientation still on her cell phone.   Miss Thang was wearing a skin tight shirt that read “Sexy Never Left” despite the fact that she was 8 months pregnant.  It went well with her skin tight jeans, 4 inch long pink fingernails, large and noisy blingy bracelets, and her pink/yellow dyed dread locks.  Hopefully you are getting the picture of who Miss Thang is.  She brought with her a friend who was similarly dressed except she had green 4 inch finger nails and wasn’t as noticeably pregnant (probably only 2 or 3 months along); we will call her Miss Sassy.

After the carseat discussion we headed on a tour.  We went up to the LDR rooms (Labor and Delivery Rooms).  These rooms are large and well apportioned with everything you would want in a luxury hotel.  After moving from these rooms down the hall towards the nurse’s station and passing the birth certificate office, we stopped for a few moments for the tour guide to answer some questions.  Miss Thang wanted to know if she had to have her “baby daddy” with her to get a birth certificate and if his name had to be on the certificate.  Further she wanted to know if the hospital would tell people she was there.  As the rest of us rolled our eyes the tour guide did a good job of answering that, no, a father did not have to be present or even know that a baby was being born.  Further that the father did not have to be on the birth certificate.  And finally that you can request that the hospital admit you as “NO INFORMATION GIVEN” which means that no matter who calls the hospital looking for you, they will always tell the people that they do not have a patient by that name.  This seemed to make Miss Thang happy since she obviously didn’t want the father to have anything to do with this.

We then headed up to the postpartum recovery rooms aka mother/baby rooms.  These rooms are just as well apportioned as the LDR, but they are smaller.  The “window seat” that I am supposed to sleep on looks just as uncomfortable as you would imagine it would be.  We spent some time in here answering some more questions about the rooms and about lactation (I will spare you the gory details) and we answered some more of Miss Sassy and Miss Thang’s inappropriate questions of which are on par with what you think they would be.

Next we went by the state of the art baby nursery.  This is where babies go breifly during the move from the LDR to the mother/baby room.  The babies are given a bath and checked again.  This is also the place they can go if the parents need a brief break from the baby. Although they made it clear that it would only be a brief break because they try to educate and orient us to the baby while we are in the hospital as much as possible so that when we leave we feel a little more prepared to go home.

Finally we finished the tour back at the elevator bank.  Since Miss Thang and Miss Sassy had missed the begining of the tour, they had missed the portion talking about what insurance was covered.  They both said they were on Medicaid.  The tour guide told them what we had already learned which is that DeKalb Medical only takes 1 kind of Medicaid: Peachstate.  Miss Sassy got all sassy and said, “so you mean if I come in here and am havin my baby you won’t take it out of me since I don’t got the right kind of medicaid”.  Miss Thang said “I think I have that Peach kind.  I know it starts with Peach”.  The tour guide told her that she probably did have Peachstate because the other Peach named Medicaid was for children under 18 and it is called PeachCare.  Well, Miss Thang said “Oh then that is what I probably have” (picture me with my eyes getting real big when I hear that).  To which Miss Sassy responded “Well it doesn’t matter what I have cause I am not going to be pregnant much longer anyways” (picture me with my jaw now hitting the floor).

So, the tour was great!!!!  The hospital is state of the art.  The nurses seemed capable and sharp.  The rooms are nice and clean.  It is convenient and Morgan’s Doctors are close by.

And the sideshow known as Miss Sassy and Miss Thang, just was annoying and scary.  It lead to a dinner conversation after the tour between Morgan and I about how sorry we feel for those kids (that being inclusive of Miss Thang and Miss Sassy being kids and their unborn kids).

So, our prayers are not only for our baby boy and the health and security of our delivery, but it is also for the health, safety, and security of everyone’s babys…including Miss Sassy and Miss Thang.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Maternity tour at the Hospital

  1. Obviously, I can’t glean much in the way of details on the two “interesting personalities” you mention, but I do get the impression that they’re in a pretty sad situation. Add my prayers that God brings them to a place of hope and safety.

  2. Tom

    wow! I still don’t see why people make fun of Mississippi. If you see Miss Thing again, could you ask her where I could get one of those shirts, because we all know that “Sext Never Left” here.

  3. susan

    Anyone can have a child, but you need a license to drive a car, operate heavy machinery, carry a weapon, etc. Love the crib bedding! Hope you are still feeling well Morgan!

  4. thedarkarts

    This post made me laugh out loud! The two “Misses” are just so clear from your description…it actually reminds me of home since I haven’t met anyone quite like that up here in N. Va. I also love it that the nurses want to “educate and orient” you to your baby! So funny!

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